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| sooo, i haven't done one of these things in a while.
20 things about me - you may or may not know.
1. i'm terrified of scorpions more than probably anything else EVER.
2. i have huge crushes on more girls than boys. i'm not sure why! but i'm head over heels in love with jenny lewis, neko case, emily blunt, zooey deschanel, mila kuniz, reese witherspoon, lauren conrad...okay i'll stop. you get the point.
3. i'm a huge perfectionist psycho and i like to make everyone around me think i'm perfect. is it working?
4. my parents are my original best friends. no matter what else happens, i would drop anything for them. family is forever.
5. i think binge drinking is awful and i'd really prefer to drink beer and eat a burrito. i'm sorry, unlike the rest of the female population, i DO NOT like cranberry and vodka.
6. i'm obsessed with the way that braids look, but i am so terrible at braiding that it's embarrassing. if i could change anything about myself, i'd have much more talent in the hair/makeup department.
7. i feel like i appreciate little things a lot more than a lot of other people my age. i don't need a lot, the littlest things can get me excited and happy. honestly, let's go to aerie during a sale or listen to maroon 5 or watch all that on nick at night, and i'll be as happy as a clam.
8. i've gotten really screwed over in friendships. i've had so many "best friends" who don't even care about me and i have really bad trust issues as a result. i think girls are truly just SO mean, and it's hard to be friends with people when i care so much for them and it's a struggle to not expect too much out of people anymore.
9. i've never been broken up with because i don't trust boys and i'm always one foot in, one foot out of relationships.
10. my favorite beer is "pretty things baby tree" simply because of the name. it's also like, 10% alcohol so after 2, i'm done! which is fine by me.
11. my ultimate dream is to be 120 pounds and be 5'4". must be nice to be able to wear any random pair of pants you find in a store, have every dress be long enough, and be able to find shorts that are TOO LONG and to be able to roll them up.
12. i've changed almost completely in the past 2 years. i can't believe how many of my beliefs are completely OPPOSITE. it's crazy how life does that!
13. honestly, all i want out of life is to get a teaching position and rent an apartment and get out of pennsylvania. that's it. i don't care about a perfect husband, or a white picket fence, i want OUT of my hometown. is that so much to ask for? please hire me.
14. i hate mean people. SO MUCH. i hate when people use sarcasm to make other people feel bad, and when they put other people down to make themselves feel better. i know a lot of people who really could use a few more manners and a good talking to about this subject. it makes me sad that people can be so mean and think nothing of it.
15. i'm NOT a good dancer. going to clubs is fun to me, but not so i can like, dance seriously with guys or ANYTHING like that. i truly think i'm one of the most awkward people in the world. but i have NO shame. if i'm having a good time, that's all that matters.
16. i hate winter. i mean, nothing is more of a buzz kill than walking outside and having it be 19 degrees. at least that's my opinion. i'm not a fan of 90 degrees either, but at least then you can get a tan.
17. i want a dog more than anything. as soon as i move out of my parents house, i'm a buying a huge dog. and i'm pretty sure i'm naming him jimmy after jimmy rollins. ahh can't wait!!!
18. i'm jealous of the girlfriends who are so obsessed with their boyfriends and like, would never think of breaking up with them because they're just so in love. i wonder what that's like. i would NEVER know. that's just not me. ugh. but i really REALLY wish it was. it's just a personal issue, i think.
19. i think i should be a rapper. i mean, i really love rap music and i learn the words to songs really fast! this is serious. i mean, i might not look like a typical rapper but this can all be worked out i'm sure.
20. my favorite color is off-white. it used to be brown, but whatever, now it's now. is off-white even a color? probably not. oops! | | |
| hello!
things are good lately! the break is so nice, but i'm getting kind of antsy and just want to go back to school. i'm graduating college in 4 months and i have my most difficult semester ahead of me. soooo, let's get started, shall we? things have been rough with losing my brother. i'm trying to cope with it, but still have the worst days i could ever imagine. i just can't even comprehend how much i miss him sometimes, and it just gets to become too much. i know he wouldn't want me to feel this way and be upset, but life is so hard without your older brother.
i contacted school districts about a week ago, and hardly ANYONE even answered me back. i have a 3.7 GPA and one of the most stacked resumes ever. like, what's the problem?! i know i have time, i'm just kind of frustrated because i really just want to graduate and LEAVE. gain independence. live somewhere new. get out of here! not to say i'm ungrateful for all of the wonderful things i'm blessed with here, but i'm 22 and need to see more of life than this town has to offer.
things with dan are doing okay, i'm just getting a little stir crazy of his constant ANTICS. i mean, i love him, but boys honestly drive me insane! i'm sure he says the same thing, but whatever! i just want a nice, calm relationship while everyone around me is cheating on each other and fighting and clawing each other's eyes out. i feel like we've worked hard enough to deserve that.
but, i'll write soon. hope things are beautiful with you.
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| christmas and new years came and went!
merry christmas! happy new year!
so nice to be with my family for the holidays, and even nicer to live at home. i mean, i'm 22, so my parents OBVIOUSLY drive me nuts so easily with all their nagging and worrying about me. but they're always going to be the best roommates i ever could have. new years eve was fun! of course there was a little drama, like always, but i think that the cycle of finding friends/discovering they're not so great after all is just so reoccurring. so i'm not going to worry about it. i mean, i try to be there for people. when they turn their back on me, i don't think that really reflects on my character as much as it does theirs.
on a positive note, i finally got the nerve to contact some principles at school districts and get my name out there for a job for after graduation. i contacted 14 people in both the wake county and durham county school districts for various positions. i'm so excited/scared/hopeful. i just want an interview. i want to show them how much i'll impress them! how much i can do for their faculty and students! oh my goodness. this is probably the most important thing i've ever done. TERRIFYING. we'll see what happens.
but finally, i cannot WAIT for student teaching and to graduate and i'm so grateful for my parents and their unconditional support and assistance throughout school. i don't think i could be ANY luckier.
take care! :0) | | |
| uh. sorry. that one was a depressing one. so let's try this again.
thanksgiving was okay. it was nice being with my family. sad, obviously, because we miss my brother. but we're just trucking through it i guess. i just wish he was here. the semester is finally over and i completed my LAST group of finals for my undergrad. i am so relieved because i could hardly even get myself to study for them because i'm just so over it. but, nonetheless, i got A's on pretty much every single one and ended the semester with a 4.0. sigh of relief, that's for sure.
i moved home. it was STRESSFUL! i mean, for a girl who lives in a one room apartment all by herself, i have a LOT of stuff. but i'm so relieved that i get to take a break from having to be so stressed about money constantly. i bought everyone really nice gifts this year which was nice because i'm used to such intense financial pressure. i'm really excited to work and actually be able to save it and for it to not be in one hand, out the other like in the past. ALWAYS.
things with dan are okay. better, luckily because i was getting a little frustrated. relationships are stressful! but things are okay now. things with my friends are all doing well too. things are honestly just good right now, as general of a term as that is. it feels nice! the only issue is that i'm not at my apartment anymore so i really don't drink as much beer as i would like. i'm a girl who LOVES her beer. haha. ay yi yi.
but merry christmas! i hope whoever you are who reads this (because i know someone must) has a great holiday and spends it with people who make them smile and feel blessed. i'll be doing that. i honestly couldn't be anymore excited to give my friends and family their gifts. I'M GONNA EXPLODE. have a great one! :0) | | |
| happy thanksgiving.
honestly, i know i'm supposed to be relaxed and thankful right now.
but i'm not.
i'm so sick of working so hard in school and getting NOTHING in return. i work so hard for these stupid A's and my professors and all still rude and inconsiderate. i work at this stupid weekend job and feel like getting money is such a problem, yet spending it happens so quickly that i don't know what to do. i love my boyfriend but he drives me INSANE. every day is just another day of me wondering whether or not we're really supposed to be together. none of my friends are in the same place as me right now. i have NO friends at school because i have NOTHING in common with anyone. go figure. my stomach is in knots about my life and my future and what the i'm ever even doing. i hate being in this house and all it does is remind me of my brother and i can't handle it. i'm so mad at god and i can't figure out how to make myself feel better. i can't believe that my brother is gone sometimes. just like that. i know it's almost a year but i still can't believe it sometimes. it's not getting any easier. i'm just so frustrated.
i don't know what the FUCK is going on anymore. i'm so freaking lost and i have to get out of here. | | |
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